New Biblical Find -- The Fundies Had It Right

Archeologists have recently uncovered some fragments of a scroll which appears to be a parallel Gospel and commentary on one of the lost books of the Bible, the Book of the Wars of the Lord. Owing to 4 misspent years in divinity school, I'm in close contact with one of the people working on translating the scroll, so I can provide regular updates of the work. This may be one of the most important biblical finds ever, "probably bigger than the Dead Sea Scrolls," according to my source.

Anyway, the author of this scroll claims to be the apostle Bartholomew, one of the few apostles who had not previously had a gnostic gospel attributed to him. The first fragment translated so far says, "and Jesus took them up to a very high mountain, and told the people, 'You have heard it said, "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you." But I say to you, "Smite your enemies before they smite you." You have heard it said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." But I say to you, "Do unto others as they would do unto you, and do it first."'"

A couple of the other fragments seem to talk about "the sons of Sodom" and quote Jesus as saying, "You shall not do business with them or their friends, and your laws shall not shelter them."

And the most recent piece to be translated seems to say, "You have heard it said, 'The poor you have always with you,' and 'You shall love the poor, the widow, and the orphan.' But I say to you, 'Let the poor, the orphan, and the widow fend for themselves; have no compassion on them. For they would not be poor if My Hand were not against them; they have what they deserve, and they deserve what they have.'"

Watch this space for further finds.