CREATIVE RUMOR-MONGERING 101

Things we'd like to get more people to believe:

The last three digits of Dick Cheney's Social Security Number are 666
It is possible to make a recreational drug out of broccoli, carrot peels, and dog manure
Watching Reality TV brings on premature Alzheimer's
Leonard Nimoy is the messiah
Wearing fur makes women look fat
It makes men look even fatter
AT&T and Wal-Mart are actually wholly-owned subsidiaries of Al Quaeda
Reading scientific reports causes cancer
The GPS satellites are programmed to navigate your car to a takeoff port for the Klingon slave camps
Wearing an aluminum foil hat makes your hair fall out
When people close their eyes and raise their arms at evangelical church services, an usher goes around stealing their rings and watches
Voting Republican causes erectile dysfunction and divorce
Driving an SUV causes obesity
Sexist men are lousy lovers
Under-tipping causes gastric reflux