FAREWELL TO KIRIBATI

Kiribati is a small nation in the middle of the Pacific, consisting of a bunch of atoll islands, none of which is more than 6.5 feet above sea level. At the current rate of global warming, the entire nation will be swamped within the next decade, if not sooner.

For the rest of us, global warming is a more mixed blessing. Mr. Dissociated has decided we need not worry about retiring in Florida or Arizona, because by the time we're ready to retire, Chicago will be growing its own palm trees. On the other hand, people living in Europe may find themselves buried in the snow if global warming shuts down the Gulf Stream current which now warms that continent.

But Bush's spokesman says, "We will adapt, as we always have." If he means homo sapiens, so far we have always adapted, but then, we have occupied this planet for only a flicker of the time spent here by, for instance, the dinosaurs. And, as we all know, they didn't do such a great job of adapting. The Bushman's pronouncement reminds me of the old joke about the rabbi notifying his congregation of an impending flood by telling them, "We all have thirty days to learn to breathe under water."

In the meantime, anyone who wants to see Kiribati should buy tickets immediately, and then get trip insurance in case the airport floods out before the flight arrives. Happy landings.